State of the Onion
I didn’t write last night’s speech. But agreed with Karl about the overall strategy: Take a glib phrase from the Democrats about oil-addiction, and say little to upset the mid-terms. Luckily we are running against the luckless! Democrats are playing wiffle-ball in a game dominated by ad-hoc rugby-rules.
‘Grey-Boy’ is not to blame for getting us addicted to oil. He was only a dry-hole salesman at best. We both profited off the oil industry. Especially me. I knew years ago that gasoline was the devil’s urine and wanted to play a role in promoting it. Every S.U.V that fills its tank buys at least one bullet for the cause of jihad. It’s symmetry.
The challenge for us, who believe in power but not in government, is to uphold the former at the demise of the latter. So far it’s been easy to do. People are too forgetful. There’s the ‘Grey-Boy’ before 9/11 and the one after. There’s the ‘Grey-Boy’ who had indiscretions as a young man and the born-again ‘Grey-Boy’ who is forgiven. The same logic does not apply to minorities on death-row. But our philosophy is the philosophy of the lucky.
Uh, oh. The multiple-me recast switch has been moved. I feel myself plunging into the persona of a sixth-grade teacher:
“Distinguished guests, winners of reality shows --including the one in the Middle-East... and boys and girls. Today is report card day and I have to say, though you are capable of getting an A-minus; you are doing D-plus work. I have checked many recommendations for you which you should review with your parents, if you have any.
“First of all you need to study harder. A few facts do not make the truth. In depth knowledge is a pre-requisite for avoiding mistakes. Also, you need to learn how to get along with others. Here in Washington you boys and girls have engaged in a very mean-spirited name calling contest and have avoided your studies. You have spent your allowance and everyone else’s frivolously. And boys and girls if you have to pay somebody to be your friend, then that is not a good friend. That is a temporary playmate who will soon turn on you as you are now finding out. The state of our union is becoming pungent; it’s enough to make me cry.”
‘Grey-Boy’ is not to blame for getting us addicted to oil. He was only a dry-hole salesman at best. We both profited off the oil industry. Especially me. I knew years ago that gasoline was the devil’s urine and wanted to play a role in promoting it. Every S.U.V that fills its tank buys at least one bullet for the cause of jihad. It’s symmetry.
The challenge for us, who believe in power but not in government, is to uphold the former at the demise of the latter. So far it’s been easy to do. People are too forgetful. There’s the ‘Grey-Boy’ before 9/11 and the one after. There’s the ‘Grey-Boy’ who had indiscretions as a young man and the born-again ‘Grey-Boy’ who is forgiven. The same logic does not apply to minorities on death-row. But our philosophy is the philosophy of the lucky.
Uh, oh. The multiple-me recast switch has been moved. I feel myself plunging into the persona of a sixth-grade teacher:
“Distinguished guests, winners of reality shows --including the one in the Middle-East... and boys and girls. Today is report card day and I have to say, though you are capable of getting an A-minus; you are doing D-plus work. I have checked many recommendations for you which you should review with your parents, if you have any.
“First of all you need to study harder. A few facts do not make the truth. In depth knowledge is a pre-requisite for avoiding mistakes. Also, you need to learn how to get along with others. Here in Washington you boys and girls have engaged in a very mean-spirited name calling contest and have avoided your studies. You have spent your allowance and everyone else’s frivolously. And boys and girls if you have to pay somebody to be your friend, then that is not a good friend. That is a temporary playmate who will soon turn on you as you are now finding out. The state of our union is becoming pungent; it’s enough to make me cry.”
posted by Sgt at 7:55 AM
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